Dear Emmylou

Emmylou,
It has been far too long since I have posted something for you. I am sorry! Hopefully I can re-cap a whole month for you.
You are 11 months, for 2 more days. On Sunday, May 27th, you turn one. ONE. Admittedly, I tear up every time I think about it. You love dancing, and walking around waving your hands in the air. Car rides still aren't your favorite, unless we're making fun noises.
Last week, I had my radioactive iodine treatment. That meant 8 days without you. It was tough. We Skyped, though, and that really helped. During the day, I would watch you play outside through Leela's bedroom window, where I was confined for those days. It was so hard not to run out, pick you up and swing you around and give you 8 days worth of kisses and raspberries and hugs. Reuniting with you was easy peasy. Your dad brought you over to Leela's house, I was sitting on the couch. You walked in, noticed me, and stared. I acted very nonchalant, as if those 8 days had never happened, and we went on from there.
The Friday prior to the treatment was my last final for the semester. Despite needing to adjust to lots of changes outside of school (new baby, new job, etc.), my grades didn't suffer. I am nearing the end of my culinary classes! Also, I think I have finally hit on the perfect idea for a business, and even wrote a research paper and presentation on it for a business class that went over really, really well. That little test-run gave me some confidence, and good feedback from peers and our professor.
More about you, Emmylou. Recently, you fell in love with the pool. For your birthday, we're having a picnic/pool party, which suits you perfectly I think. You hug every child you encounter. It is the sweetest thing, and I hate to think that someday you will lose that. The dreamer in me hopes that you never will. I want you to grow up in a world where you can go up and hug anyone, and that that embrace will be returned. That isn't the world we live in, and it will be interesting to navigate these years that you're not aware of that. Maybe we'll just go buy an island, and turn it into a community where everyone contributes their part and success is defined by our ability to be self-sufficient. I sound like a hippie. At what age will she learn that not everyone likes hugs? It is sickening to realize how quickly that perfect innocence fades. Already when she hugs another child, and it's obvious that child doesn't like it, I pull her towards me and tell her that not everyone likes hugs. Momma will ALWAYS love hugs.

Love,
L

10 Months!

Woot! You're almost one Emmylou! This morning you took some steps unassisted. You have done it a couple of times before, but it was the first time your daddy got to see it. He got SO excited, it was adorable. I made you some homemade formula for the first time the other day, and am relieved to announce you loved it, and it didn't cause any tummy troubles like powder formula did. Plus, it was easy to make. I wonder if I could make this stuff for other people's babies? It has really helped me feel less stressed about pumping enough for you, and it's going to make weaning a bit easier when the time comes for the radioactive iodine treatments.
During your 9th month you sprouted 4 teeth- two on top, two on bottom. front and center.
Random cute story from this morning: You were cruising around our bedroom and saw daddy, so you rushed over to him (letting go of the bed in the process, first time he's seen you take steps without holding on!) and he picked you up and gave you kisses. After a minute, you started fussing and kicking like you wanted to be put down, but once on the floor you started crying. He picked you up and you still cried, so he handed you to me. You kept fussing, and reaching for him, but when I handed you back, you reached for me. So daddy and I both held/hugged you and suddenly everything was right in your world. Precious.

Oh, also daddy got a job at a tattoo shop near our house, so in the next week there won't be any more daily drives out to Clear Lake!! I am nervous and excited. This will be the first tattoo shop change he's ever made.

Love,
L

March 12- At the Park with Mom and Dad

Radiation Update

For the past few months, I have been really uncertain about what's happening with my radiation treatments. The doctor I am going to is one of the best in the country, but impossible to get a hold of. His assistant is awful; she never returns phone calls, nor does she have any recollection of what is going on with me. You would think that after a year, she would have some idea of who I am. So, I finally went to his office to try to talk to him, and get some blood work done while I was there. His assistant was totally incapable of even trying to get him to see me, but at least she did have him call me while I was there. Early in February, his assistant had told me that it appeared that the radiation was not necessary, and to just come back for more blood work in March to make sure my thyroid levels were good. After speaking with the doctor on Monday, he said that I absolutely still needed the treatments, and should start within the next 4-6 weeks. It's going to have to wait until May, when school gets out. At least I will be able to nurse Emmylou for a little while longer. Maybe we'll feel more ready by then. The family is relieved that the confusion has cleared up, too.

Dear Emmylou

Dear Emmylou,

You're becoming more attached to your daddy lately, and I can see how happy that makes him. He has the pleasure of spending 3 full days a week with you. I get one randomly selected day every week to spend fully with you.  On that day, I wake up around 7 am and start getting things done around the house. I wait a bit impatiently to hear the sound of you waking up, ready to whisk you out of bed for a little snuggle time. While I know that at some point, we will have to run errands, I always make time for the park or some other outing that you will enjoy. 

February 22, 2012

It was just me and Emmylou for my birthday today. Mom and Yates are visiting the grandparents in Mississippi, Alan had work, and we had celebrated on Sunday anyway. After dropping Alan off, we went to Memorial Park for a little walk/jog. Then, we packed a picnic and headed to the park.

Lingonberry sandwiches, cornbread, and sliced strawberries.

After playing on the hill and blowing some bubbles, we joined another little girl on the swings. She's 10 months, and lives down the street from us. Perhaps we'll meet again! It was just the kind of day we needed- no rush to get things done, just taking it easy.

Love,
L

Funday Sunday

Sunday was sunny and warm, so Leela, Alan, Emmylou, and I went to the Bayou Bend Family Day, featuring All Creatures Great and Small. That evening, we went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday a few days early. Mom and dad got me a Canon Rebel T3, and Alan did a gorgeous watercolor painting for me. Hopefully an abundance of photos on the blog will make up for my not being the best writer.

Almost 9 Months/ Radiation Update (sort of)

Emmylou, you are 10 days away from being 9 months old! Last week we celebrated Shane's first birthday at Leela and Papi's house. It seems that everyone has noticed your BIG personality. You're very vocal- you love to scream and figure out new sounds to make. It's so funny to hear you scream and try to run away from Leela when she's "coming to get youuuu!". You still drink from a bottle, but you like to drink from a small cup. Sippy cups aren't your thing.

After speaking with the doctor this month, it seems like I may be able to forgo the radiation. Unfortunately, he's being vague as usual about his plans for me, so I am considering getting a second (maybe even third) opinion, or at least trying to get an in-office appointment with him so we can discuss things. I am trying not to get excited too soon about the prospect of being able to continue nursing.

Fingers Crossed,
L

More on Radiation

January is almost over, and I'm still in denial about radiation in March. Not so much the radiation as the end of nursing Emmylou. Just typing it out is making me cry. Working 40 hours and going to school 3 days a week leaves me little time with my daughter, but bonding with her over nursing seems to make up for so much of the time that I'm away. I don't even know where to start with weaning her. Everyone tells me that someday it won't even matter. Of course it won't, she won't even remember it- but someday isn't now.
On a completely different note- Emmylou, you are getting so big my sweet girl! If only everyone went through life with such eagerness and motivation! Goals would be achieved left and right- I think you may be on to something. Speaking of achieving goals, Alan is officially a tattoo artist. He has come a long way. Just a few months ago he was on the verge of quitting his apprenticeship. I'm proud of my two babes. Now to figure out where my career is going.

Also, I really need to post some photos. Soon, soon, I promise! It is so uninspiring to take photos with my dingy little point and shoot. It makes life look so bland. My phone takes better photos! It's just a hassle to upload from the phone.

Funding for Radiation Treatment

It's been 6 months since I had surgery to remove my thyroid, and the massive tumor that had formed. Soon after, I discussed the next steps with my doctor. He determined that, under close watch, it should be safe to hold off radiation treatments for a few months so I could nurse Emmylou. I hated that I wouldn't be able to nurse her as long as I wanted to, but have tried to be thankful that I was able to at all. Time passed, and it started to feel like the end to nursing wasn't really going to come, like maybe I didn't need any further treatment. Then, two weeks ago I got approved for the funding I needed to afford the treatments. It has all surfaced again, and I am just not ready. I had no idea I would enjoy that time with my daughter so much. More importantly, Emmylou is not ready. Nursing soothes her when nothing else does. Weaning her at this point just seems like a bad idea- we are not ready, and no one likes to be forced to do something.

Anxiously,
L

Dear Emmylou

Dear Emmylou,
You are army crawling all over the place, and powering through any food placed in front of you. You're getting the pincer grip down, can say "Hi" and you've got the cutest wave. Lately you've been even more of a mommy's girl- I guess you miss me since I'm at work all the time. But you love anyone who talks to you, and especially other kiddos.
For the holidays, Leela and I took you to visit Santa at the Galleria. You LOVED him. It must have been the beard. You happily sat on his lap, then almost fell over trying to get a good look at him. You loved the Christmas tree and lights at Leela and Papi's house, and had fun ripping paper and then crawling through the mess on the floor.

Nap Time Sunday

I have found it so difficult to photograph life. I frequently pause and wish I had the camera or was video taping, but doing so would ruin the moment I want to capture. Sunday I had one of those. You woke up from a nap in Leela's bed, definitely before it was time to wake up. We both laid down with you and sang and played a little. Leela left a few minutes later, and you turned on your side, facing me. You lightly held on to a piece of my hair, and fell asleep. It was such a sweet moment that I know I will hold on to forever. If only there were photos to show it, I know I can't do it justice with words. I hope that I few months from now, a few years from now, I can remember it as vividly as I do today. The sweet smell of Leela's room- totally separate from the rest of the house. The way you went from playful to sleeping in one minute. The way your lips pout when you're asleep, and your slight snoring. And especially the way you reached out for a lock of my hair just before you fell asleep- over one finger, under the middle one, and over another.

Dear Emmylou

Oh Emmylou,
I'm sorry it has been so long since I've really written to you. The last few weeks have been so busy. I started working again- at Starbucks, so your daddy and I will have insurance come February. I'm working close to 40 hours there, and am in class 17 hours, and have homework and laundry and grocery shopping on top of it all. And not nearly enough time with you.
So here's your 5 month update:

You caught your feet! And you can put them in your mouth. It's adorable. You can sit pretty well, and are starting to crawl backwards. Everything you get your hands on goes in your mouth. You're still squealing and growling, and making farty sounds. In the mornings when you're ready to be awake, and I'm trying to hold on to a few more minutes of sleep, you start kicking me and making fart sounds and giggling. It's play time. At night, you sleep in your crib and you're not waking up every two hours now. I'm so sorry a real sleep schedule was impossible to get started until recently. It's still difficult since sometimes I have to pick dad up late and then pick you up from Leela's. Despite that, you are the happiest little girl. People constantly comment on your pleasant disposition and willingness to be held by anyone and everyone- except your Uncle Rowdy. For some reason, you are not his biggest fan. Perhaps it just wasn't an Uncle Rowdy kind of day.

4 Month Check Up

Emmylou went to the doctor today for her 4 month check-up. She weighs 17 pounds, 7 ounces and is 25.5 inches long.
Over the last month she has started making some interesting new noises. High-pitched squeals and low growls are her specialty.

I Guess It Isn't Nap Time Yet

September 8th

I started school again last week, and am loving it. I don't particularly like being away from my little sweetheart, but it is good for us to have some time away from each other. (This totally sounds like I'm breaking up with someone- ha). Since she was born, she has pretty much been attached at my hip. Her Leelee has given me breaks to run errands, pick Alan up from work, and even go out for a date. Now, Alan is taking off two consecutive days each week while I'm in class to watch Emmylou. Great daddy time! Hopefully this will help him become a really involved father. I'm excited for him to be able to spend quality time with her, without me. While I feel the urge to leave notes like "if she won't settle down, a bath might help.. or if she's stinky from spitting up on herself several times this AM already, a bath might help there too" or "if she's screaming in her crib, she isn't sleeping" and "don't forget vitamins in her bottle" and "burp halfway through bottle"... but have refrained from doing this so far. That doesn't mean I don't leave less subtle reminders like placing her vitamins next to the bottle (they still didn't get put in..).

Ch-ch-ch-changes:
Her hair has really filled out. She loves grabbing her hands and shoving both of them in her mouth. She also realized she can grab her shirt and chew on it. She can do the same thing with her washcloth at bath time. She is a talking machine! No words, but I swear she mimics sounds- the dog barking, noises that we make, etc. She's about 25 inches long, and around 16.5 pounds. Getting close to 4 months old! I can't even believe it.. my baby girl is growing up so fast. I've said that since before she was born, but she just won't slow it down!

3 Months

My little cutie patootie is 3 months old. That sounds so big.. 12 weeks sounds smaller.

Here's a look at the past month:

Emmylou grabbed a toy for the first time on July 20th
She can make spit/milk bubbles
I've seen her do that thing I do with my mouth (how do I spell it out?) twice. I don't think she really realizes she can do it yet.
She can put herself to sleep.. who knows how long she's been able to do that, but recently we've been putting that skill to use. She takes naps in her crib, and sometimes sleeps in it at night. She usually wakes up around 4 or 5 AM, at which point I feed her and bring her to bed with Alan and me.
Emmylou absolutely loves her jumpers- Leelee and Papi have one, and Alan and I have one. Last week, she discovered how to really jump.
She's becoming very talkative- adding new coos and goos to her baby vocabulary every day.

I can hardly keep up with all her changes, but am trying to do a decent job of documenting. I have so many things to post, and will date them to keep track of when they actually happened.

Love,
L

First Real Tears, and Pool Time

Today, Emmylou cried her first real tears. Of course she cries when she's hungry, sleepy, has a diaper in need of changing, etc. but her eyes have only watered some, with no tears actually coming out. Tonight a single tear ran down her cheek. Hungry, and I had just gotten home. I relieved my husband of his attempts at settling her, and there it was, the little tear that could! I know, not the most joyous of firsts, but still a first.


Emmylou in the pool recently

This was a different day- it was her first time in the pool. Hopefully I can figure out the dates for these photos.

1 Year Anniversary

A year ago today I married a man I hardly knew. It tops my list of "crazy things I've done". 08/09/10 seemed like a day to do something special. Alan and I were hanging out, as we'd done every day since we met. We decided to go to the Galleria, but that turned out to be a terrible idea because of traffic, so we ended up at Schlotzsky's for pizza. We weren't sure what to do afterwards, but had agreed that 08/09/10 was a neat day, and something neat must take place. I suggested going swimming, he suggested getting married. I cooly agreed to his suggestion, and it turned into a bit of a game of chicken, which apparently neither of us was going to lose. Off to the courthouse we went, and an hour later we were married. A bit daring and crazy, a touch of romantic, and entirely a leap of faith.

Here's to forever,
L